Q. My wife worked in the picture department of a very reputable auction house but has now taken to retirement with great enthusiasm. However, friends are constantly contacting her for free advice, valuations etc. They usually start with: ‘I know you’ve retired, but this won’t take you very long…’ She finds this irritating, yet doesn’t want to offend anyone – she just wants a peaceful retirement. How can she put a stop to these constant interruptions? – Name withheld, West Sussex
A. She should be sympathetic but use the double deterrent of replying: ‘I’m out of the market now, so I wouldn’t feel confident charging you for advice.’
Q. I am known to be a philanthropic person but sometimes charities which I firmly do not wish to support, for my own ethical reasons, ask me to contribute. I don’t want to rain on the parade of those who feel that they are putting effort into fund-raising for a noble cause, but neither do I wish to be an accessory after the fact. What can I do?
– H.R., London W1
A. A philanthropist on Dear Mary’s board of advisers has observed: ‘Only rather vain people would mention this as a problem. If you are well off you should expect to be asked to give to charities. The charities are quite used to people saying no, and all you have to say, politely, is: ‘Thank you for showing me this. We have decided not to make a contribution but wish you every success.’
Q. My new sister-in-law is very nice but has a knack of using words that I find cringe-making – ‘plaudits’ and ‘purview’, for example.
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