Dear Mary: How can I say no to charities I don’t want to support?

Q. My wife worked in the picture department of a very reputable auction house but has now taken to retirement with great enthusiasm. However, friends are constantly contacting her for free advice, valuations etc. They usually start with: ‘I know you’ve retired, but this won’t take you very long…’ She finds this irritating, yet doesn’t want to offend anyone – she just wants a peaceful retirement. How can she put a stop to these constant interruptions? – Name withheld, West Sussex

A. She should be sympathetic but use the double deterrent of replying: ‘I’m out of the market now, so I wouldn’t feel confident charging you for advice.’

Q. I am known to be a philanthropic person but sometimes charities which I firmly do not wish to support, for my own ethical reasons, ask me to contribute. I don’t want to rain on the parade of those who feel that they are putting effort into fund-raising for a noble cause, but neither do I wish to be an accessory after the fact.