Q. During lockdown I have done my level best to assist with household chores. Last week, while my wife was taking her daily constitutional, the washing machine finished its cycle and I took it upon myself to hang the clothes on the washing line. On her return, my wife upbraided me for hanging out her ‘smalls’ as she refers to them — somewhat ironically given their size. Is there a protocol for what washing can be dried on public display and what needs to be aired indoors?
— D.R.D., Northamptonshire
A. You did well to try to help but your actions must be regarded as at best unimaginative, and at worst passive aggressive. Even if your wife’s underwear consists of the tiniest strips of gossamer-soft silk, a public display delivers too much information into your neighbours’ hands. Think it through. Despite having an excess of willing palace staff, Princess Grace of Monaco always hand-washed and dried her own ‘smalls’.
Q. A cousin is getting married in 2021 and we have received our invitation. The invitation includes a great deal of information about the day but does not include the crucial information about who is invited. We have three children and the invitation is generic. We don’t want to accept, arrive without the children and find three empty places set and numerous other children there. Nor do we want to accept, arrive with the children and find no places set or any other children in attendance. We are close enough for me to ask, but I wonder if there is a more tactful way to approach the question?
— D.H., Worthing
A. Tone is important in tackling your cousin’s gaucheness. Write a cheery note thanking for the invitation and promising to respond formally. Add: ‘We’re presuming it’s just us — but just checking before I arrange child care!’
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