Q. I belong to a fairly intimate private club which is the one reliable oasis of calm and civility that I know of outside my own home. Now an old schoolfriend is pressuring me to propose him for membership (he needs the endorsement of a club member and I am the only one he knows). He is a dear friend who has been kind to me, and I owe him a favour, but he is also extremely jovial and loud and I know he would bring raucous groups of people like himself into the club. This would spoil the atmosphere and end up by making me unpopular with other members. How can I solve this, Mary?
— Name withheld, Edinburgh
A. Agree to write the proposal and hand it over in person to the club secretary. As you are doing this make sure they are concentrating as you muse affectionately about the number of ‘crazy, drunken’ evenings you have spent in your nominee’s company. ‘He’s such a party man!’… Always the last to leave… endless energy!’ and so on. This will warn the committee, in a way that discounts you from being disloyal, and the matter will be out of your hands.
Q. Like many people of a certain age, I am keen on a flattering light, and the fashion for brilliant LED spotlights in ceilings is at odds with this. I find myself quite miserable in the living room of a dear relation, where visitors have every imperfection cruelly highlighted, and feel 101 as a result. I know that if these lights were replaced with angled fittings directed towards the walls, and warm-toned bulbs, we would all visit her more enthusiastically. However, there seems no tactful way to suggest this.
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