Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How appropriate is it to send a Christmas card with the word ‘merry’ to a widow? 

Plus: Using the Spectator, here's how to deal with gossipy passengers on the train (provided the passengers aren't savages)

issue 07 December 2013

Q. Six years ago a rather glamorous man bought the house opposite me. Although he always responds to requests for contributions to the residents’ committee, he has yet to attend a meeting or garden party. We know he lives alone and, according to his otherwise discreet servant, there are no other visitors to the house. How can I satisfy my curiosity and let him see that I am an affable sort of person with whom he would certainly like to be friends?
— Name withheld, London SW3

A. Next time you know he is in the house, why not ‘accidentally’ damage the wing mirror of his car? Wing mirrors, like dislocated shoulders, can be easily relocated, but pretend you do not know this and turn up on his doorstep to apologise and offer to pay for the damage. Insist that he comes to your house for a drink so that you can apologise properly.

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