Q. Our son and his girlfriend have announced their engagement and we are delighted with his choice. Our problem is with what I regard as the misjudged tone of hilarity among some friends, many of whom we have not heard from for years, who have telephoned to congratulate us. It’s the emphasis on how clever our son has been and how thrilled we must be — the subtext being ‘because you’re all such snobs’ — which rankles.
Yes, it’s a fact that our future daughter-in-law is a member of the aristocracy and has a bit of cash — but our son is, by any standards, an exceptional young man. Moreover, he is highly regarded in his professional field.
How can I graciously accept these congratulations without going on a bitter rant along the lines of: ‘So, what you’re saying is he’s been lucky to con someone out of his league into marrying him?’ Mary, this is beginning to get me down.
— Name and address withheld
A. Next time this emphasis on snobbery is evident, act daft and reply pleasantly: ‘Oh, how do you mean? Why should we be delighted?’ Get them to spell out their assumptions. Then, as though it had not occurred to you before, gasp: ‘Oh, so you think it’s an unequal match…?’ Then stay silent while they babble on.
Q. I love my husband to pieces and am sympathetic to the professional stresses he is now under, but he is used to bossing people around by day and now, working from home due to the coronavirus outbreak, he has begun to boss me around. I fear our marriage will not survive.
— P.S., London W8
A. Simply reduce the time you are exposed to your husband’s bossy work persona by beginning to keep different hours to his.
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