Q. I have enjoyed strained relations with my sister-in-law over many years. This Christmas she has chosen to donate her £15 gift to my 16-year-old daughter to a local charity, previously unknown to us, without any prior consultation. She has provided the charity with my daughter’s name and a message supposedly from her. My daughter is no stranger to charity-giving but would have preferred to exercise her personal choice and has been unsettled by her aunt’s dominance. My sister-in-law is a pedant with regards to manners and will expect a handwritten thank-you note. Mary, how can I proceed in this matter, which is causing anxiety to my daughter and a deep fury in me?
– Name and address withheld
A. Do not rise to this bait. It is a classic example of passive aggression by an in-law hoping to provoke an irreparable fall-out with their partner’s ‘blood family’ so they can have the partner all to themselves.
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