Q. I have enjoyed strained relations with my sister-in-law over many years. This Christmas she has chosen to donate her £15 gift to my 16-year-old daughter to a local charity, previously unknown to us, without any prior consultation. She has provided the charity with my daughter’s name and a message supposedly from her. My daughter is no stranger to charity-giving but would have preferred to exercise her personal choice and has been unsettled by her aunt’s dominance. My sister-in-law is a pedant with regards to manners and will expect a handwritten thank-you note. Mary, how can I proceed in this matter, which is causing anxiety to my daughter and a deep fury in me?
– Name and address withheld
A. Do not rise to this bait. It is a classic example of passive aggression by an in-law hoping to provoke an irreparable fall-out with their partner’s ‘blood family’ so they can have the partner all to themselves. Explain this to your daughter. Ask her to play the game by acting daft and thanking politely and give her £15 as a reward for her diplomacy.
Q. My problem is that a few (older) men who are not that savvy on their phones send funny rude jokes to me, mistaking my number for my husband’s. Do I acknowledge these WhatsApps? I don’t want them to think I have read them, as some are definitely meant for him, but they might think he is rude in not replying.
– Name and address withheld
A. Text back that your wifi is so slow that you can’t download the content so will send to your husband’s mobile at work. Supply his number ‘for future reference’.
Q. I have a policy of not giving out other people’s phone numbers without their permission.
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