Q. In the summer I became engaged to a sweet young thing. We did not wish to announce our good fortune in the newspapers and have not yet set a date for our wedding. As Christmas draws nearer we are wondering to what extent we should combine our cards. Many of my friends are scattered around the world and may not meet my fiancée in the foreseeable future (although most of them — and those of my fiancée — know of my good fortune) and we wonder if it might be appropriate to send cards signed by us both, presumably with an explanation for those unlikely to be in the know. What do you think, Mary?
Name withheld, London
A. It is tempting to fall into the trap of Payloaditis when sending out Christmas cards, but the cards should not serve as Trojan horses to signal the presence in your life of someone whom the recipients have not met and whose good wishes they do not expect to receive.
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