Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 8 February 2018

Also: is it acceptable to compare ailments with someone who has a worse condition?

issue 10 February 2018

Q. I am at the age where parts of the body start to go wrong, and I have a minor but life-changing issue. I am in the process of telling my friends when I learn that one of them has a much more serious and life-threatening one. Should I mention my own lesser problem to him, and if so, how? I don’t want to belittle his by seeming to compare notes, but I suspect he would wish to know.
— J.N., New Malden, Surrey

A. Commiserate with your friend about his own condition. Listen to the details. Then give a short laugh and ask, ‘By the way, do you find it irritating or amusing when other people say they are ill too, and then describe some comparatively minor condition?’ Tailor your next words accordingly.

Q. An old (in all senses) friend has received a letter from his secretary which says ‘I wish to register a sexual harassment-related complaint.

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