Dear Mary | 7 March 2009

Q. Ten years ago, at 15, I met the closest friend of my life. We did everything together and she grew so close to my whole family that, when her own rather difficult home life became too much, she even moved in with us. She has always been the person I felt I could turn to. She was one of my few friends, for example, to make the effort to travel to visit my mother when she was recently very ill, and to keep ringing to check I was OK.

Here’s the problem: a few years ago she got married — to a woman. I like her wife, who is very clever and sweet, but whenever I suggest dinner, a film, coffee, whatever — the wife is now always part of the package. When I managed to see my friend alone once, her wife rang about ten times an hour to check on her.