Q. A friend and I have been working in the new Eliot Reading Room of the London Library and are very pleased with it (the Ladies’ in particular is very swish) but there is one drawback. A bespectacled man of Chinese appearance is in everyday, chomping his way through packets of gum, and making the most annoying series of clacking and liquid chewing noises as he derives maximum oral satisfaction from his unsightly habit. As he is also plugged into his MP3 player, we assume he is blissfully unaware of the intolerable aural pollution he emits. Obviously we all feel like killing him, but do you have any better suggestions?
Name and address withheld
A. Your friend should take up a position at the same table as the offender. She too should chew gum loudly, making eye contact with him and smiling. After a few moments you should rise from a nearby table waving a rolled-up newspaper and making good-natured swipes at your friend’s head while pointing to her mouth.
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