Dear Mary | 4 April 2019

Q. A woman I’ve known for years is getting divorced and rings me every day to talk about it. I have closer friends with ongoing problems and, though I do care, I don’t have the emotional energy or time to deal with her problem as well. I work and she never has, so she can’t really understand how tired I am. Your advice?
— Name and address withheld

A. Confide that you are finding it difficult, both at work and at home, to talk on the telephone without being overheard. Explain that this is inhibiting your ability to empathise and strategise with her. Suggest that instead she begins to communicate her feelings to you by daily email. In this way you can give her situation your undivided attention and email back your considered responses. It will be less emotionally draining for you to read her updates than to hear them. Ironically she will also benefit by clarifying her thoughts as she puts them on paper.