Dear Mary… | 31 December 2005

Q. Having been well entertained by the ‘pyjama gaping’ problems and solutions, may I briefly insert my neat response? Gentlemen should obtain comfortably large pairs of Directoire ladies’ knickers in acetate fabric. Discreet shops do have them. Carefully snip into the single thickness hem where elastic is gathered at the knee. Draw out the elastic in a loop and discard it. This smooth garment is thus rendered comfortably discreet and impossible to expose — and, furthermore, it is functionally perfect for nocturnal visits to the bathroom. Acetate is preferable to nylon as the latter, despite anti-static claims, can develop interesting effects.
J.B.T., Bournemouth, Dorset

A. I publish your letter not because its contents might be of practical assistance but because I wish to reprimand you. Not only would these convoluted antics produce knickers unsuitable for a man on aesthetic grounds, they could also give rise to upset. Both acetate and nylon will serve as irritants when placed in intimate conjunction to the skin, and will cause itching and general discomfort. They are particularly unsuitable for underwear, unless the gussets are reinforced with panels made from 100 per cent natural fibre.

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Q. Your correspondent who was refused entry to the Carlton Club because she was wearing jeans might be interested to know that my club in Pall Mall made the great mistake of allowing in women who were wearing trousers, with the result that some arrive in ordinary baggy jeans which are certainly not Armani. Can it be a gentlemen’s club if the women do not dress as ladies?
J.P., Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk

A. Thank you for making this point.

Q. I am a second-year female pupil at a leading public school and have recently acquired a rather ‘rebellious’ new associate.