Dear Mary | 30 August 2008

Your problems solved

Q. I have recently moved from New York to London to join my husband who is English and who works here. My problem is that when we are out together at, for example, early evening gallery openings or at the opera we often meet people my husband knows but who are new to me. Sometimes people will invite us to come and stay with them in the country or come to dinner. I am finding it very confusing to know what to say because my husband is always standing beside me smiling in so friendly a manner and nodding as though he wants to accept the invitation, but afterwards he says to me, ‘Why did you say yes? I really don’t want to go!’ How can I tell which of these invitations my unpredictable husband would like to accept and which he would like to decline when we are put on the spot in this manner? He cannot help being charming all the time (except occasionally behind closed doors).