Q. I thought I was au fait with road users’ etiquette, but confess to being nonplussed when confronted by the advisory signs Baby on Board or race horses in transit displayed in vehicles. Mary, what is the correct reaction to this information? Should one hoot? Cheer? Smile sympathetically? Flash the headlights? Pray? Depending on your advice, should one adapt these signs, do you think, to read Headlice on Board when ferrying schoolchildren around?
—J.J., Shaftesbury, Dorset
A. These signs are not entirely without purpose. They point to a motorist who is either passive-aggressive or lacking in good judgment. Steer a wide course.
Q. A rather supercilious middle-aged American lives in the same apartment block. Every few weeks we bump into each other and he condescends to invite me and my girlfriend for drinks — but without naming a date. Initially we returned the invitation and suggested a particular evening but he always declined, saying that he would be away. We came to the conclusion that his invitation is not genuine. But it is the manner of his approach that I find annoying; the tone suggests that we are clamouring to be in his company. Clearly neither he nor we desire to make this happen. How do we best put an end to the charade?
—Oliver, Edinburgh
A. Next time you see him, beam apologetically as you put a mobile phone to your ear. Then stare through him benignly as though you are so engrossed in the information being transmitted to you that he might as well not exist. In this way you will deny him the chance to tease you again.
Q. Where do you stand on sneezing? On a train from London to Manchester recently, I said ‘Bless you’ when the young woman sitting next to me sneezed.
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