Q. How do I deal with a dearly beloved wife who is beginning to display the same mildly eccentric behaviour of an aristocratic nature as her mother, also beloved by me? This week the timer went in the kitchen and my wife asked me to take off the greaseproof paper from the fillet of pork. This confused me as the roasting pan was still sitting on top of the oven and had yet to go in. Imagine my surprise when I opened the oven door to put it in and found two rather appealing stuffed mushrooms that apparently were meant to accompany the previous night’s supper. I thought nothing of this strange incident until this morning when i came down to find the swimming pool overflowing and the tap still on. It is only a matter of time before my darling wife begins to display other characteristics, such as wearing two watches, ‘one to do what watches are meant to do, and the other because it looks nice’. It is too easy to blame the social pressure of finishing the current book club novel — anyway, I am unable to afford the high level of domestic support needed to deal with a problem of this nature. Any suggestions?
—A.L., Hampshire.
A. The late George Melly was offered help by the sterling organisation Hearing Dogs for Deaf People — but as your wife is not deaf you will have to seek the same result, i.e. a dog who barks when taps and oven rings have been left on, by going to the reputable Association of Pet Dog Trainers (www.apdt.co.uk or 01285 810811). They will be happy to discuss your needs and guide you towards finding a suitable dog and trainer. You will find canine domestic support for this problem much more affordable.
Q.
Comments
Join the debate for just £1 a month
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for £3.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just £1 a monthAlready a subscriber? Log in