Your problems solved
Q. I am visited by my 30-year-old godson who, quite often, brings a girlfriend to stay for the weekend. As I live in the country and have a septic system, I would like to remind him not to flush prophylactics down the lavatory. I appreciate that people in my situation often choose to place a notice to this effect in the guest bathroom, but I fear that if I were to do this now it might be seen as accusatory. What do you suggest?
M.H., Berry, NSW, Australia
A. Even in Australia such a notice would be too explicit. Instead, arrange to receive a telephone call from a friend posing as a plumber shortly after the youth and girl next arrive to stay. Take the call in front of them, in full irritable mode. Say things like ‘When can you come and clear it? How much will it cost?’ and so on. When you hang up, explain that you have just had some Americans to stay, ranting ‘Americans simply will not understand that when you have a septic tank it won’t accept anything other than human waste and a tiny amount of loo paper and that if they want to dispose of anything else, they must wrap it up and put it in with the ordinary rubbish!’
Q. My parents have hosted my cousin’s children at their country estate for the last two summers at an enormous cost to them — four weeks one summer and five weeks the other. Bizarrely they (my parents) have not had a word of thanks for their generous efforts from my cousin. Not a peep! How do I advocate for my parents and get my selfish cousin to do the right thing and say thank you and not make a muck of my parents lavish intentions and actions?
S.
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