Q. I am at a loss as to how to deal with a kind offer I’ve had from an artist to paint my portrait for free. Even though the artist kindly offers to arrange sittings around my schedule and work pro bono, etc, I am also pathologically impatient and the idea of ‘sitting’ at all, let alone in the same position for hours, fills me with panic and gloom. On the other hand, I am also quite vain and self-publicising and am not immune to the idea of being gifted a flattering rendition in oils of my fast-fading charms. How to respond?
R.J., London WC1
A. Why not take your cue from ‘David’, the video-portrait made of David Beckham by Sam Taylor-Wood for the National Portrait Gallery? Fit the artist into your schedule by allowing her into your bedroom. In this way you can multi-task by sleeping while simultaneously achieving your goal.
Q. Following your recent query from P.W. of Marlborough, my daughter has been lucky enough to be invited for holidays in lovely places, like Verbier, by very nice friends from school. Our problem is that we cannot afford to return such lavish hospitality in similar fashion. How does one say thank you without creating an expectation that cannot, alas, be fulfilled?
P.G., Wield, Hampshire
A. Many Spectator readers are financially embarrassed. Some have too little, many are embarrassed by too much. Members of the latter group need agreeable witnesses to their good fortune. They do not want contributions or return hospitality but only to see happy, unspoilt faces enjoying the fun alongside them. Paradoxically, such companions are in short supply. Chippiness can make for an unsettling atmosphere when entertaining the bitter. Meanwhile the equally well-endowed can rarely accept such invitations.
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