Q. Is there a tactful way to speed the departure of someone who has come for drinks only, but fails to leave when dinner is announced? Chatting to punters during my recent NGS open day, I made the mistake of boasting that a certain household name, who had been spotted in the area, was actually staying with me. One of these punters, a local and a friend of a friend, begged to meet her ‘absolute idol’ and proposed herself for drinks before dinner. Local and idol got on famously but local, having declined my wife’s suggestion that she stay on to dinner, showed no sign of leaving. She was not drunk but seemed oblivious to the frozen grins on our other six guests’ hungry faces as she chatted gaily on. Indeed she might still be there now had not one of her children telephoned her mobile to urge her to go home. This was a good 20 minutes after dinner was ready. What would have been the elegant way of handling this, Mary?
— Name and address withheld
A. Perhaps you could have combined flattery with strictness with the following overture: ‘In the immortal words of Harold Pinter “Must you go?”’ When she inevitably replied ‘Yes, I must’, your legitimate rejoinder would have been to sigh, ‘Well, if you insist, then go you must, as dinner is ready. Let me walk you to your car.’
Q. What is the etiquette on whether to attend the funeral of a dear friend’s parent, when one has not actually met the deceased? One really wants to be able to give emotional support to a friend on one of the toughest days of their life, but on the other hand it seems a bit creepy and voyeuristic to attend the funeral of someone one has never met.
Comments
Join the debate for just £1 a month
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for £3.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just £1 a monthAlready a subscriber? Log in