Q. I have recently started going out with a new girlfriend. She is articulate, well-spoken, elegant, witty and polite — in short, a real catch. There is only one thing that puts me off: she holds her knife like a pen. You will accuse me of being an inveterate snob, which I hope I am not. However, I know what my parents would say if I were to take her home for supper. Worse still, my grandmother! Perhaps, Mary, you will say I am making a fuss about nothing, or you will tell me not to be so snobbish. Equally, I am not trying to wheel in old-fashioned prejudice under my grandmother’s skirts. I just think HKLP is a case of bad table manners and I need your advice. Please tell me — how can I reach a solution without appearing rude?
A.S., Wiltshire
A. Your dismay is understandable. The expression ‘HKLP’ (holds knife like pen/cil) was once established code for ‘common’ but in these socially fluid days now means ‘unlikely to be compatible with us’. You can correct your girlfriend’s habit by holding your own knife like a pencil. You will have prearranged with a friend the two of you are to dine with that she will upbraid you for it in a teasing manner. Smacking your own hand, you can gasp in response, ‘Thank you so much for pointing it out. I so often forget not to do it’, then, turning to your girlfriend, ‘don’t you?’ you can ask brightly. In this way you can open up a debate on the amusing prejudice against those who HKLP and end by conspiring with your girlfriend that if either in the future sees the other committing the offence, they will make a discreet signal so it can be quickly corrected.
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