Q. The other night I met someone with whom I got on really well. Yet because I am a young journalist and she is an editor, I did not email her the next day, in the normal way, to say, ‘Let’s keep in touch’. I thought it might seem pushy and as though I was looking for work. Mary, was I right to hold back in this case, given the professional implications?
Name withheld, London
A. No. It is fine to email such people met socially. If they are at the top of their profession they will be pushy themselves and will welcome your initiative. They will also welcome having received your contact details in this easy way and being able to file them with just a click. Being in a fellow professional’s email address book might be called presenteeism — you are ten times more likely to get work if you are in there than if you are not.
Q. My brother-in-law, who has retired, has bought two pugs. It is my belief that he could not possibly think them attractive and that, since he can no longer annoy people at his place of work, he got them to annoy my dear sister. He is hard-of-hearing, but for her the continuous grunting must be a terrible trial. She is too loyal to complain but — is there a painless way in which I could arrange for these dogs to be tactfully but swiftly rehomed?
R.C., Boar’s Hill, Oxford
A. The idea of pugs is off-putting but, with just a short leap of the imagination, the terrible faces and the grunting can become endearing. For the hard-of-hearing the grunting/snoring can be helpful. It acts as a sort of base-level hearing gauge, against which all other pitches and frequencies can be measured, rather like the drone of bagpipes. If your brother-in-law is an attention seeker then he will receive plenty when walking the pugs, and therefore will bother your sister less. Pugs also provide a hot furry surface to hold up against yourself in winter. Why not suggest your sister knock up a pair of slings so both can take advantage of the warmth? You should not interfere further than that.
Q. My girlfriend, about whom I am serious, has started to flirt with my best friend, probably in order to keep me on my toes. The trouble is that I am busy and away a lot at the moment so I cannot give my girlfriend the attention she deserves. Meanwhile, my best friend lives only a couple of miles from her and consequently they have started going to the cinema together, etc. How should I handle this?
P.R., Ludlow
A. You may as well find out a.s.a.p. whether your girlfriend can be trusted or not, and what better testing ground than your own best friend? After all, this is someone she will be interacting with for the rest of your lives. Either they will establish a permanent relationship or they won’t. If they do, the less you know about it the better, until it has run its course. Just wait for further announcements.
Q. I am an old-fashioned romantic and my girlfriend and I communicate by ‘snail mail’. How will I keep our love alive during the postal strike? She lives in Ireland.
J.L., Beaumaris, Gwynned
A. Why not alert her that, for the duration of the strike, you will reveal your feelings, with a code name, through the personal columns of the Daily Telegraph?
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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