Q. I am approaching my 50th birthday and I want to have a party for around 100 people. There is an ideal space near where we live in London. It belongs to a friend, who has kindly offered it to us free, but is only really suitable for 100 people. Since we cannot afford to have more than 100, this suits us fine. Now, having finished compiling my must-invite list, I see it exceeds 180 people. There is no way I can prune this list without causing grave offence. What can I do, Mary?
A. Just ensure you have your party on a Saturday night, preferably to coincide with a boarding-school exeat weekend. Since most people in their fifties live in the country or go there at weekends, you can be sure that a large proportion of your friends will be unable or unwilling to attend a party held in London on a Saturday night. You can still ask all 180, and have the credit for it, but by holding the party on a Saturday night you will find the list will be self-pruning.
Q. Is there a tactful way of finding out who else is going to a house party before accepting? I know it is bad manners to ask but my problem is that, as a single man in my late thirties, I very often am asked, and regularly, by people I don’t know that well. On arrival it becomes clear that I have been set up with some single woman who is just not my type or, worse, she is my type but I am not hers. I cannot stand these social booby-traps any more and would just like to know how the land lies before I accept.
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