Q. A young man from Oz, the son of a friend of my wife, has been staying for several weeks. He walks into the house and helps himself to a beer or a banana or a toasted cheese sandwich. This is what they do in American soaps, opening the fridge without even saying hello, but it is slightly at odds with the upbringing of our children who are encouraged to ask before helping themselves. My wife believes this shows that he feels at home and that, if I disapprove, I should ask him next time to bring back some beer, bananas, bread or cheese. I prefer a different approach, making sure that we have no beer, bananas, bread or cheese in the house, so that he’ll learn from the consequences of his actions. Which is the correct response?
Name and address withheld
A. Arrange for another youth to spend a couple of nights in your house. Ensure Youth One is present when Youth Two arrives. Invite Youth Two to sit down with your family while you offer him a drink. ‘Thanks for this,’ Youth Two can have been primed by you to say, as he raises his glass. ‘What are your English house rules, incidentally, about food and drink? While I am staying here should I buy my own and keep it on a separate shelf? Should I eat at the same time as you or separately?’ ‘Good question,’ your wife can reply. Then, shushing the room, she can remind her own children — as well as instructing her guests — that the fridge will happily yield its endless bounty. For strategic and planning reasons, however, she must be its gatekeeper. By including the entire assembled company, as she lays down this law, she can ensure that Youth One will not feel suddenly paranoid or unwelcome.
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