Q. I have had a boyfriend, of whom I am very fond, for some time now. There is, however, one slight problem. On special occasions when he comes to visit my family, he always dons his best pair of shoes of which he is extremely proud. Unfortunately these are not of the gentlemanly variety. They are of a particularly common style and colour and would perhaps better appeal to a Sicilian waiter out on a Sunday jaunt. I thought this would be a matter of little impediment but my boyfriend only has to enter the room for the eyes of all my family to become inexorably transfixed on his shoes. What should I do?
Name and address withheld
A. Prepare for your boyfriend’s next visit to your family headquarters by laying down a carpet of freshly chewed gum, booby-trap style, at the entry point to the house. Install him immediately on arrival on a low sofa with yourself opposite and, as he crosses his legs, cry out in astonishment at the amount of gum adhering to his soles.
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