Q. My husband doesn’t wash his hands after spending a penny and he doesn’t wash his hands after ‘spending tuppence’, as my grandmother put it, either. I know this as he uses the downstairs gents while I am hard by in the kitchen and I can monitor all the appropriate liquid sounds. When I was driven to raise it a few years ago he said: ‘Don’t be silly, I don’t defecate on my hands.’ I am aware that some men think it’s common to wash hands (in the Lords I heard they put washbasins in the men’s conveniences only within the past 50 years). Thoughts?
— N.F., London W6
A. You are correct that it was considered common to wash hands after ‘only handling one’s own member’ as decreed by the late Sir Iain Moncreiffe of that Ilk. However, spending tuppence is quite another matter. Why not solve this problem by investing in an electronic door-locking mechanism which can be linked to the door of this off-kitchen convenience? Such a device would be programmed to release the occupant only after sensing that soap dispenser and taps have first been triggered.
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