Dear Mary | 17 May 2018

Q. I have incurable, inoperable back pain that severely hinders my ability to sit and necessitates my taking a cushion wherever I go. Many, I believe, view this as a sartorial eccentricity. I have two issues: how can I politely — or even humorously — deter people I meet from probing my medical history and offering their own treatment advice (‘Have you tried Pilates?’ ‘You must meet my cranial osteopath!’)? Conversely, a close friend recently dismissed my condition as akin to his bone-idle, sponging girlfriend’s ‘leg problem’ (‘It’s ethereal and comes and goes’). I don’t wish to be a figure of pity, but nor do I want to be seen as a foppish malingerer. Is there any way to elegantly tread the line?
— Name and address withheld

A. It all depends on what sort of circles you move in. Should they be haute bohemian, then carry the cushion inside a plastic carrier bag and, as you wedge it behind yourself on sitting down, simply remark: ‘I’m putting this here so I don’t forget it.’