Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 17 March 2016

Plus: the charming way to avoid sending thank-you letters, and the discreet way to reveal how expensive your gift was

issue 19 March 2016

Q. I have a deep crush on an army officer I’ve met through work. He is decisive, practical and doesn’t waste a word. I am charmed. How can I hint that I’m interested and would like to be asked out? We are due to meet in about a month’s time. I am almost 40 and haven’t dated properly for years post a brief marriage. He, I suspect, is mid-to-late forties. My 21-year-old students suggest asking him for a drink. Surely not? Any advice? He is shorter than me by the way.
— Name and address withheld

A. Virtually all nice men are shy of making passes and will do so only if certain that there is no risk of rebuff. Look for a (short) play or concert local to your meeting, ideally in a small pop-up venue. Email him to say you have promised to bring along someone presentable to a friend’s performance to lend some distinction to the audience.

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