For her traditional Christmas treat Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal problems for her attention.
From Robert Hiscox
Q. Christmas time brings the threat of having to dance at a staff party. As a chairman in my sixties I wonder how to maintain any dignity when dragged on to the dance floor and faced by a gyrating young female. I believe actually holding a lady in your arms while dancing is as out of date as the Charleston, and would be highly dangerous in today’s threatening climate of employment litigation. Refusing to dance at all would be deeply stand-offish. Is there an approved ‘Chairman’s shuffle’?
A. Indeed. Insist on taking to the dance floor still holding your glass of champagne in addition to, ideally, a lighted cigar. Thus encumbered, it would clearly be impossible for you to indulge in full Jaggeresque gyrations. Furthermore, with both hands demonstrably full there will be no danger that litigation can result from your performance.
From A.N. Wilson
Q. An old friend from Merioneth meets me for lunch at Rule’s restaurant in London three or four times a year. I always used to look forward to these jolly occasions. Seven years ago, however, she rang up the day before our lunch and asked if I’d mind her bringing along a friend who had lately been widowed and needed cheering up. The friend turned out to be the most crashing bore who did not let me or my friend get a word in edgeways. Cursed as I am by politeness, I disguised the instantaneous loathing I felt for this person. The next time my friend suggested lunch she added, ‘Oh, and since you seemed to get on so well with X, I’ve asked her along too.’
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