Q. I recently managed to put together a large party for a summer country-house opera at the Grange near Winchester. We decided not to picnic, but instead I had booked one of the private dining-rooms there. However, from past experience, it often happens that some guests will cancel at the last moment for one unforeseen reason or another. To avoid wasting the tickets and the dinners, this year I decided to ask some friends well in advance whether they wouldn’t mind going on the ‘standby’ list in case someone drops out. Most were flattered by my idea and agreed willingly. However, one said this was an insult and they didn’t want to have to arrange a babysitter for nothing. What do you think, Mary? Have I been insulting, or not?
M.K., Mildenhall, Wiltshire
A. Unfortunately, you might have insulted those people who would have accepted a confirmed invitation with delight but for whom a provisional one was tantamount to taunting.
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