Q. Our son goes to a state primary school in west London which in most respects we are very happy with. However, the teachers correct him every time he says ‘what?’ and insist he says ‘pardon?’ instead. The upshot is that he now says ‘pardon?’ even at home. Is there anything we can do? We’re a bit reluctant to complain to the school lest we come across as thundering snobs, but if he acquires this habit now it may be difficult to shake when he gets older. — Name and address withheld
A. Your dismay is understandable, but you are confusing etiquette with manners. The correct etiquette may be to say ‘what?’ but given the context, it is better manners for your son to use ‘pardon?’ Clarity is paramount in this multicultural — in both senses of the word — age. Hence the Duke of Wellington has a giant sign in his London home, Apsley House, bearing the legend TOILETS.
Equally, your son should aspire to be well-mannered enough to allow the maximum number of people to understand him. It is likely that he will share your sensibilities and so, in the fullness of time, he may well revert to ‘what?’ of his own volition. Meanwhile you should brace yourselves for his teenagehood and the estuary accent he may pick up from friends at posh schools like Eton.
Q. I’m due to attend a house party, but my problem is that as I’m single, I always get given a room with a shower, while the couples have rooms with bathrooms. At 70, I loathe showers. Do you think I could ask one of the couples, behind my hosts’ back, if I can secretly use their bathroom while everyone else is at breakfast?
— R.G.,
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