Q. We want to invite a rather exceptional friend to dinner. He lives nearby but he has a top job and also travels a lot so we hardly ever see him. More to the point, his wife controls his social diary. Our problem is that the wife has become a tiny bit chippy about her husband’s star status. Since he is a charismatic, life-enhancing, poetry-reciting, anecdotalising, perceptive, well-informed,witty man, he takes centre stage at any gathering. He may sound insufferable but I can assure you his fellow guests are always happy to just sit back and listen. Not unreasonably, his wife would like to occasionally take centre-stage herself. Consequently she has replied with enthusiasm to our last two invitations by saying that although her husband will be away, she would love to come herself. And this she has done. No offence, Mary, we like her very much too, but we want to expend our energy on putting on a fabulous dinner for him. How can we get around this? There’s no point in your answering that we should approach him directly; he’s a chaotic man and would simply pass us on to her.
— Name and address withheld
A. You have gone about this the wrong way. Rather than setting a date in stone and then inviting, you should identify another potential guest whom the couple have not already met and who could feasibly have some connection of interest to your charismatic friend. You may need to exaggerate the connection. Then contact the wife and co-ordinate a date which would suit everyone.
Q. Our son, aged 25, has recently had a significant career success. When people ask me how he is, my feeling is that I should play it down rather than boasting.
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