Q. I was waiting for the London train at my local railway station the other morning when I saw a neighbour whose business is doing spectacularly well at the moment. He came up grinning and announced that he had just been shooting in Suffolk on the estate my husband’s family used to own. He said, ‘I had no idea how grand you used to be. I must say, it’s more fun going up the ladder than going down.’ I was dumbfounded and could not think of a response before the train came and he headed for first class and I for second. Mary, what could I have said?
— P.W., Marden, Wiltshire
A. You should have been kind enough to point out to him that the reverse is the case. ‘On the contrary,’ you could have said. ‘All the philosophers say that happiness is the absence of pain and anxiety and once you are no longer burdened by aspiration, you’ve no idea how enjoyable day-to-day life can be.’
Q. My widowed sister has been left comfortably off and is going on a fortnight’s cruise. She is physically restricted and will be accompanied by her eldest daughter and her 20-year-old grandson. She is very lively and loves conversation, especially with high-status males. She enjoys basic card games but is not a reader. Can you suggest any offering I can make?
— B.A., Berkshire
A. Yes. You can go to a bit of trouble to identify an ‘oral history’ department at a university or library. It should not be too long before you find an archivist who would be happy to receive taped contributions from passengers on the subject of enforced leisure after a life as a high-status male. A cruise is the perfect opportunity to collect such reminiscences and it sounds as though your sister would be happy to help out a historian by collecting such data.
Q. I have had a series of dinner parties to celebrate my fiftieth. Despite the invitations stating that no presents were necessary, a very dear couple brought one which I opened a few days later. The packaging was from an expensive London shop but I was surprised to find nothing inside. Was this a joke on the no-presents request, or was there a present which somehow became mislaid? How should I deal with this? I would not want them to think I did not appreciate the joke or that I was disappointed. On the other hand, I cannot thank them for a present I didn’t receive. — T.D., by email
A. Ring up the couple and say ‘Thank you for your witty empty box.’ They will either respond, ‘Oh good, you appreciated the joke!’ or they will be alerted to the fact that their generous intentions have been sabotaged. It is not impossible that a shophand might practise deceit, knowing that the recipient of a present would be unlikely to complain about an empty box.
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