Q. I am an elderly widow and have never been a demonstrative person. Recently, a young lady who frequents my circle asked if she could hug me: I have no particular feelings for her, and had no hesitation in saying no. Since then she has made a habit of pouncing on me when I am conversing with someone else or otherwise occupied, and hugging me anyway. She has turned it into a game that I have no wish to play. I do not wish to seem to overreact to this behaviour; but I value my personal space and would prefer not to have it invaded. How can I deal with this without giving offence? Would a sharp jab to the solar plexus be considered vulgar? Thank you for your consideration of my plight.
M.J., by email
A. A jab to the solar plexus could be good. You could say you had been taking martial art training and that your body was now programmed to react instantly to perceived assaults. However, to avoid the risk of osteoporotic breakages, you could alternatively wear a couple of pins in the clothing around your chest area. Carefully positioned to be virtually invisible, these would still have great jabbing power. ‘Oh dear,’ you could sympathise, as the young lady is lanced. ‘Those are my poppy pins. I must have forgotten to remove them after Remembrance Day.’
Q. I am having a 50th birthday party at our cottage in the country and two of the guests will be arriving in their helicopters. My dilemma, Mary, is that the only place they can land is at the Big House which is a mile away. Isn’t the point of flying in by helicopter to a party that other guests will see you doing so? (One of the guests lives only 20 minutes away by car.) I don’t want to rob them of their glory but, if they cannot witness it visually, how will my other guests know?
C.d.S., London W14
A. This problem will solve itself. In the round robin email you will be sending out the week before, containing directions and parking instructions, you must include instructions for helicopter landings. No one will be able to resist asking which of the other guests required this advice. This will be a subtler way for the helicopter guests to show off.
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? When giving a party it makes a great deal of sense to hire a dance floor. First of all it costs a surprisingly small amount of money: I have just paid £100 to hire one 20 feet by 10, and this included delivery, installation and taking away. We put it down in our conservatory over York paving stones. The men who came to lay it moved all the furniture out of the way and then moved it all back. They insist on cleaning the floor back at HQ so you don’t even have to do that. Most important of all a bouncy dance floor is much easier to dance on, so fortysomethings do not have aches and pains the next day.
Name withheld, Pewsey, Wilts
A. Thank you for reminding readers of this traditional tip for party giving. What next? Soda siphons?
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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