Q. At a recent lunch in an hotel to celebrate my parents’ wedding anniversary, my wife and I found ourselves engaged in animated conversation by our respective neighbours on all manner of interesting topics. However, in their enthusiasm they seemed totally oblivious to our need to deal with our well-behaved but still very young children who were sitting between us. What is the right balance to strike in such a situation when one’s children — both under two and being good as gold for the first hour or so — begin to show promise of hurling bread rolls all around the room?
D.R., London
A. There is a tendency for adults — even those who have experienced multiple parenthood — to be attuned to the needs of babies and toddlers only if they themselves are currently engaged in boddler management. Therefore in these situations you should welcome insensitive neighbours as power-sharers under your own management umbrella. You might suggest, for example, ‘Do you think we should move the child so that he/she is sitting between us? If we can keep him/her happy, then you and I can carry on enjoying ourselves.’
Q. I take the Oxford Tube to London about three times a week. As a transport system it is usually reliable and cheap; however the downside is that there are invariably a handful of acquaintances on board. These are perfectly nice people whom I have no wish to alienate but next to whom I do not wish to sit and engage in time-wasting prattle when I could be using the time to catch up on reading. How do I tactfully convey this without coming over as a priggish bore?
Name withheld, Oxford
A. Greet the acquaintances warmly as you board the Tube, then wave non-specifically at some strangers at the back of the bus.
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