Dear Mary… | 10 December 2005

Q. Recently I agreed to a male friend of mine’s suggestion to take out a couple that we both know. I said that I would pay for half the dinner as the couple had entertained me many times. The male friend had recently joined an old established club and wanted to take the couple there, so I agreed. I told him to let me know discreetly at the end how much my half of the bill would be. I then arranged a convenient date with the couple as he asked me to do this. However, at the dinner itself, as the evening wore on, I became worried that the couple kept saying how nice his club was and it became clear to me that they did not realise that I was co-hosting the dinner. I waited in vain for him to mention it to them but he never did. For me to say it at the table was, I thought, the height of vulgarity (to use a phrase that my mother taught me).