Good afternoon.
I’d like to thank you all for coming to this godforsaken hell hole – sorry, I mean, Ed’s constituency. Believe it or not, I once expressed an interest in becoming the Labour MP for Doncaster North, but as soon as Ed heard about it he tossed his hat into the ring. Funny that.
I’m going to start by reading a few telegrams from people who couldn’t be here today.
[Reading]: “Dear Ed, Thanks for your kind invitation, but I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.”
[Looking up]: That’s from my wife, Louise.
[Reading]: “Dear Ed, I’m happy to pick up the tab. You can pay me back when you get to Number 10.”
[Looking up]: That’s from Brendan Barber, the General Secretary of the TUC.
[Reading]: “Dear Ed, Congratulations. You remind me of myself more and more each day.
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