Dark places

Antichrist
18, Nationwide

As you probably already know, Antichrist has been called ‘disgusting’ and ‘depraved’ and ‘the most offensive film ever made’, although I don’t personally get what all the fuss is about. Yes, there is extreme violence. Yes, there is explicit, penetrative sex. Yes, there is a genital mutilation scene involving rusty scissors. But, come on, doesn’t this happen in homes up and down the country all the time? Just the other day, in fact, I found my teenage son lounging on the sofa — as usual! — while mutilating his genitals — as usual! — and I had to say to him, ‘Can’t you ever think of anything else to do? What do you think we bought that PlayStation for? To gather dust? Now, I’m off to have explicit, penetrative sex with your father before hammering a bolt though his shin, and I expect those scissors to be gone by the time I get back.’