Dangerous game

I’m writing this after one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I’m currently staying with my friends John and Louise on their farm in East Africa and on Monday John arranged for the two of us to go out on a ‘rough shoot’ in the bush. There are plenty of good game birds in season here, including sandgrouse, francolin and helmeted guinea fowl, and a ‘rough shoot’ is a great way to see some of the other wildlife, like zebras and giraffes. However, there are animals that are best avoided. One of John’s neighbours warned us about a certain bull buffalo that he didn’t like the look of. And most dangerous of all are the elephants.

As a child brought up on Babar and Tarzan films, I had no idea that elephants could be so lethal. On Sunday night, the day before the shoot, Louise regaled me with horror stories about various friends and acquaintances who’d been maimed or killed by them. Indeed, John’s neighbours were chased all over their ranch by a bull elephant recently — and they only managed to escape by the skin of their teeth. A bull elephant at full tilt could outrun Usain Bolt.

‘People mistakenly think of them as gentle giants because they possess this human-like intelligence,’ said John. ‘But it’s precisely because they are a bit like us that they’re so dangerous. Like human beings, they’re aggressive, territorial and prone to fits of homicidal mania.’

The elephants in this part of East Africa are particularly spooked at the moment because there are poachers in the area. Only last week, John told me, an elephant was killed by ivory poachers. As a consequence, the elephants are very skittish around human beings.