Country music | 25 February 2016

In Competition No. 2936 you were invited to propose lyrics for a new British national anthem. Tom Shakespeare recently suggested that now might be a good time to ditch ‘God Save the Queen’ — ‘terrible tune, with banal lyrics’ — and replace it with something that more accurately reflects contemporary Britain. My favourite, in an entry whose tone varied wildly, was Bill Greenwell’s jaunty reimagining of ‘Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick’ by the late, great Ian Dury, which is refreshingly lacking in jaundice, sentimentality or jingoism. He takes £35. The rest earn £30.
 

From Killeen to Aberdeen, on the grid in Milton Keynes,
From Indian Queens to Letterbreen, every Jack and every Jean:
Pour more fizz for Lizabeth, pour it, pour it,
Iechyd da and hail-well-met, pour it, pour it,
Pour more fizz for Lizabeth, toast her till we’re out of breath,
Roar it, roar it; roar it.
 
From the bars of Crossmaglen to the pine trees of High Spen,
From the Fens to Llanedwen, all the women, all the men — (Chorus)
 
From the bakers in Dundee to the golf at Rhos-on-Sea,
Pity Me, and Daventry, everybody, sing with me — (Chorus)
 
In the crofts of Muckle Roe, on the sands at Westward Ho!,
Clitheroe and Wivenhoe, all the people, high and low — (Chorus)
 
From the well at Derrynoose, to the station at Caersws,
In Drumgoose, the river Loose, in your home or in your hoos — (Chorus)
 
Down in Splatt and up in Twatt, in the pub at Pentregat,
At St Catz and Battle Flatts, we’ll roll out the welcome mats — (Chorus)
Bill Greenwell
 
There’ll always be a UK
While there’s a crown to pimp,
Wherever there’s a club to buy,
A zombie Colonel Blimp.