Cop out

I’m such a dunderhead. Everyone told me that Miami Vice would be rubbish, and I kept replying, ‘No, no it won’t; you see, it’s directed by Michael Mann and he’s brilliant. He made Manhunter, Heat, The Insider and Collateral…it’s going to be great.’ People said, ‘But it’ll be naff and embarrassing, with spivvy hairdos and loose-fitting suits.’ And I would reply, ‘No, don’t be silly, it’s not set in the Eighties. It’ll be cool, dark, gritty, urban…’

Well, don’t I feel like the prize banana. I think even subscribers to FHM magazine, at whom this film is undoubtedly aimed, will be hard pressed to enjoy themselves. My heart, which was beating an optimistic pit-a-pat as the lights were dimmed, had slowed to energy-saving mode after the first few minutes. Loose-fitting suits? Check (is it something to do with the weather?). Silly hairdos? Check. Colin Farrell’s is even worse than it was in Alexander.