Lucy Vickery

Competition: Write 50 Shades of something

Spectator literary competition No. 2838

The latest competition asked for profiles for an online dating website for well-known politicians, living or dead.

Gallic ladykiller François Hollande loomed large in the entry, as did Gorgeous George Galloway, Ann Widdecombe and Adolf Hitler. And while John Samson’s somewhat unlikely lothario Oliver Cromwell might appeal to those who like the masterful type — ‘That ye should seek matrimonial harmony by reading such vainglorious publications doth render thee unworthy of espousing this Puritan. Speak thus of me to thy more God-fearing sisters…’ — those seeking cosy nights in need look no further than Bill Greenwell’s Eric Pickles: ‘I do like to go out a lot, for instance to eat dinners, but am just as happy curled up on a sofa with some fresh meat pies, and a DVD, if you insist.’

Commiserations to unlucky losers Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead and Hugh King.

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