In Competition No. 2739 you were invited to submit a poem lamenting an impulse buy on eBay.
A hair from Justin Bieber’s chest; a colossal concrete brontosaurus; a lifesize poster of Albert Einstein; Franz Kafka’s shirt (with an authenticating Post-it note by Max Brod). These were just a few of the regrettable but hugely entertaining online purchases that featured in a large and lively entry.
Honourable mentions go to Shirley Curran, Mae Scanlan, Gerard Benson and Melissa Balmain. I also liked W.J. Webster’s eBay Blues: ‘Woke up this morning, heard a click inside my head….’
Chris O’Carroll’s magnificent all-singing, all-flopping wall-mounted rubber bass narrowly lost out to Brian Allgar, who nabs the extra fiver. Their fellow winners, printed below, get £30 apiece.
I’d found a record-playing deck,
Pressed ‘BUY’ — the deal was final.
‘Sound-wise, LPs still beat CDs’,
A tenet that’s doctrinal.
I’m quite convinced that, washed and rinsed,
A polish and a shine’ll
Resuscitate to pristine state
My precious horde of vinyl.
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