Competition No. 2665: Night music

In Competition No. 2665 you were invited to submit a lullaby suitable for the modern child. ‘But do lullabies lull?’ writes competitor W.J. Webster, who puts an adult fear of heights (not to mention a horror of half-rhymes) down to repeated exposure as a little’un to the strains of ‘Rock-a-bye baby’. Among the more nightmare-inducing elements that you weaved into your songs for the infant of today were global warming, economic meltdown, gastric bands and cyber childcare. There were more winners than space this week, so bad luck to D.A. Prince, George Simmers and Martin Parker, who narrowly missed out. Bill Greenwell pockets the bonus fiver while his fellow winners net £25 apiece.

Darling shut your iPod
And let your iTunes close
There’s a land called iNod
Where every iChild goes
Prepare to meet your iGod
And warm your wee iToes
iMac, iDock, baby, why
It’s time to rest your tiny i

Here’s an iPad for your head
An iTech for your sleep
It’s time now for your iBed
And counting of iSheep
Remember what the iMoon said
And not one more iPeep
iMac, iDock, baby, why
It’s time to rest your tiny i
Bill Greenwell

Most popular

Matthew Parris

What if Trump is just bonkers?

Hush little baby, cry no more
Daddy’s gonna get you an iPhone 4
If that iPhone 4 don’t fit
Daddy’s gonna buy you an England kit
When that kit becomes a joke
Daddy’s gonna buy you a bag of coke
When that coke is all used up
Daddy’s gonna buy you a pit-bull pup
If that pit-bull pup won’t bite
Daddy’s gonna buy you a microlight
If that microlight should crash
Daddy’s gonna give you a load of cash
When that load of cash runs out
That’s when you’ll have to do without
Hush little baby, go to sleep
Daddy loves you, but you don’t come cheap
Basil Ransome-Davies

Sleep tight, little mite,
Your Daddy’s at the bank.
He gets a 1000K for pay,
And, let me tell you, that ain’t hay,
Your life will be a holiday,
Your life will be a swank.