In Competition No. 2658 you were invited to submit a bedroom scene written by a novelist who would not normally venture into such territory. A wise choice, it seems: even literary giants come a cropper when writing about sex. John Updike was shortlisted four times for one of Britain’s least coveted literary prizes, the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction award, eventually scooping a lifetime achievement award.
You rose to the challenge admirably. The winners earn £25 each and the bonus fiver goes to Chris O’Carroll.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a gentleman in fashionably tailored trousers, the fabric cut tight across the musculature of his thighs, cannot readily dissemble his amorous inclinations when paying his address to a young lady who has aroused his interest. As the bedchamber door swung shut, Elizabeth noted the dexterity with which Darcy’s fingers undid a quick succession of unfamiliar fasteners in his male garments, thereby making further manifest his commitment to an agenda of congress.
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