In Competition No. 2737 you were invited to submit a double dactyl.
This popular and, judging by the size of the entry, extraordinarily compulsive poetic parlour game was invented in the Sixties by the celebrated poets Anthony Hecht and John Hollander and is described in the blurb of Jiggery-Pokery, their magnificent compendium of the form, as a ‘devilish amalgam of rhyme, meter, name-dropping and pure nonsense’.
The challenge generated a quirky parade of double-dactylic notables. I especially liked Bill Greenwell’s double dactyl as it might have been written by that mangler of meter William McGonagall; commendations, too, to Mike Morrison, Luci Thomas, Christopher Greening, Roger Munson, Alannah Blake and Penelope Mackie.
The winners, printed below, are rewarded with £15 each.
Dimity-dashity
Emily Dickinson
Danced around Death like the
Flame round a wick.
Though she is known for her
Eremiticity
She had a sharpness that
Cut to the quick.
W.J. Webster
Beggarbucks megabucks
Chancellor Angela
Tells the Athenians
‘Tighten your belts,
‘Cherish das kapital
Supplementational,
Practise austerity
Dringlich — or else!’
Ray Kelley
Poshily-pishily,
Catherine Middleton,
Duchess of Cambridge, is
Urban well-bred.
Pity she isn’t so
Nonagricultural:
Could have been Duchess of
Ambridge instead.
Bill Greenwell
Happily-slappily
Helena Rubinstein
Marketed creams with a
Lanolin base.
Millions of women paid
Superabundantly
Just to smear scented sheep’s
Grease on their face.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Airily-fairily
Benedict Cumberbatch
Played Sherlock Holmes in a
Postmodern vein.
Conan Doyle rip-offs done
Anachronistically
Give me no pleasure, just
Do in my brain.
G.M Davis
Gallic’ly-phallic’ly
Madame de Maintenon
mistress of Louis, the
Sun King of France
Said to her paramour,
Immédiatement!
Embrassez-moi while vous
avez the chance.
Martin Parker
Critchety crotchety
Ludwig van Beethoven,
Deaf as a post but he
Didn’t succumb;
Startled the world with his
Musicological
Symphonic novelty —
Da-da-da Dum!
Gerard Benson
Bellyful-tellyful,
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
Dines in a realm beyond
Chop and two veg,
Craves novel challenges
Gastrointestinal —
Roadkill, placenta, and
Bits of the hedge.
Chris O’Carroll
Harryspex Pottifex
Headmaster Dumbledore
Challenges evil with
Magical might.
Harrying enemies,
Paronomastical
Albus is someone who’s
Whiter than white.
Frank McDonald
Ginicus-tonicus,
Titus Andronicus
Ate his own progeny
Baked in a pie.
Cursing the chef, he was
Uncomplimentary:
‘Far too much salt, and the
Pastry was dry.’
Brian Allgar
No. 2740: DECALOGUE
No. 3 of Henry Miller’s work Commandments is ‘Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.’ You are invited to submit the ten work commandments of the writer of your choice, living or dead (please specify; 150 words maximum). Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 21 March.
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