Competition | 9 July 2011

In Competition No. 2703 you were invited to submit a hymn entitled ‘All Things Dull and Ugly’. Long lines mean space is tight so I’ll keep it short. George Simmers nabs the bonus fiver; £25 each to his fellow winners.

All things dull and ugly, all creatures gross and
    squat,
All things vile or tedious, the Lord God made the
    lot.
He made the sly hyena, the hookworm and the slug,
Your moaning Auntie Margaret and pervy Uncle
    Doug.
He made that dreary Welshman who so often reads
    the news,
And he made us, the ragtag lot who worship at
    St Hugh’s.
We’re far from high achievers, we don’t have
    gorgeous bods;
At best you’d call us humdrum, a group of odds
    and sods.
We’re verging on the useless, and we have got a
    hunch
No Deity could think we were a prepossessing
    bunch.
That’s why we’re rarely cheerful, but feel a bit
    less blue
When thinking how the mighty Lord can be
    ham-fisted too.