In Competition No 2559 you were invited to complete a poem starting ‘Come, friendly bombs, and fall on …!’ with the target of your choice.
In a huge entry, Gordon Brown and his crew were by far the most popular destination for your WMDs (you may as well pack your bags now, mate). Other favourite targets of the Spectator-reading and competition-entering community were George Bush and his gang, yoof (especially its clothes), bad smells, graffiti, the Celtic fringe, Geordieland, Disneyland, The Archers, Crewe, Worcester, Kent, Heathrow, Brighton, Bath, Windsor and Eton, people who write nasty things about Slough, Tesco, plastic bags, Men (from a man) and Me (from two women). Commendations to Basil Ransome-Davies (nasty Nice), Peter Adorian (background noise) and Martin Parker (the Turner Prize and all its works). The winners printed below get £25 each while the extra fiver goes to Frank Mc Donald.
Come, friendly bombs, and fall on those
Who think that God wears human clothes,
And in their arrogance condemn
The masses who don’t pray like them.
Dear friendly bombs, annihilate
Religious leaders hard with hate,
And fools who think that God would care
What name we give a teddy bear.
But fall especially upon
All those who feel that they alone
Are instruments of godly love,
Who kill and maim, such love to prove.
Come, friendly bombs, and find a way
To fall upon their Sabbath Day,
For they will thus be heaven blessed
And we’ll enjoy their day of rest.
Frank McDonald
Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Claire’s,
Monsoon, and Lush, and B&Q,
On Whittard’s, Argos, Mothercare,
On Orange, and on Phones4U,
On Clinton Cards, Top Shop, Top Man,
Ravel, and Warehouse, JJB,
On Past Times, Argos, Matalan,
On Primark, Game and HMV,
On Next, on Paperchase, QS,
On Jigsaw, Smiths, on Boots and Schuh,
On BHS and M&S,
On Quiz and Waterstone’s and Kew.
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