In Competition 2627 you were invited to submit a rhyming prophecy for 2010. The entry was short on optimism but bursting with wit and ingenuity. Hats off to Mae Scanlan, a more-or-less lone Pollyanna in a sea of Cassandras, who foresees global peace and economic prosperity. She narrowly missed out on joining the winners, printed below. It’s £25 each and an extra £5 to Noel Petty. Happy New Year!
January opens sunny,
Bankers vote for parsimony,
BBC sacks Ross (‘not funny’),
Burmese colonels all resign.
Waving fields of green shoots sighted,
City overtake United,
Ferguson says ‘Great! Delighted!’,
Climate change declared benign.
GDP continues palmy,
Scientists turn back tsunami,
Afghans form a model army,
Taleban apologise.
World Cup won by Rooney thunder,
Brown takes blame for Labour blunder,
England four-nil up down under,
Pigs observed in southern skies.
Noel Petty
Three men in a vote,
Out on the stump,
Whatever one offers
The others gazump.
A flowering of flags,
Red and white in profusion,
The quadrennial dream
Another-four-gone conclusion.
A beknighted inquiry
Fires off its report:
Little bang for the bucks,
It’s what most people thought.
A sporting star somewhere
Bares feet made of clay:
It never quite works
Playing god and away.
W.J. Webster
British troops are in retreat,
Korea, North and South, unite.
Gordon Brown vacates his seat,
Mandelson again takes flight.
Soldiers leave Afghanistan,
Crisis strikes the Middle East:
Israel attacks Iran.
Tony Blair becomes a priest.
Rioting in Birmingham,
Lootings in Trafalgar Square,
Cameron appeals for calm,
Gets support from Father Blair.
Cyclones, floods and hurricanes
Batter Britain without cease.
BNP makes massive gains.
MPs get a pay increase.
Frank McDonald
Capello’s lot won’t light up grounds
Yet make it to the knockout rounds
Where, trounced in extra time, dog-weary,
They’ll blame the second Hand of Thierry.
Long after spring has been and sprung
The House of Commons will be hung
And Brown and Cameron will beg,
To save their skins, the Hand of Clegg.
The roof at Wimbledon will pass
Two weeks shut tight to save the grass
While outside, in the wet and mist,
Umbrellas shield a Hand of Whist.
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