Comedians who think they’re soldiers are the biggest joke of all

I must admit to snigger-spitting my Sugar Smacks recently as I read an interview with Eddie Izzard in the Times. (Odd, because he’s never made me laugh before.) He spoke thus: ‘I would have been a soldier if I’d knew which war I’d have to fight. I was ready to apply but when you join the armed forces you fight where you’re sent. I parked the idea.’ Later on in the interview he opines – and Izzard is a proper Opiner, whereas most of us just say things – ‘Fears are there to be conquered. I’ve gone from playing the streets of London to the Hollywood Bowl. But the biggest thing I ever did was walk out of the door 31 years ago in heels and make-up.’ I couldn’t help but think that somehow, just somehow, the British armed forces may well struggle on without him.

It’s predictable, despite the lashings of lippie and runnels of rouge regularly sported by this dainty droll, that Izzard would see himself as a bit of a man of action on the quiet – and not just because he is a passionate pro-EUer.