Everyone, use as much plastic as you can. Drive your diesel cars everywhere. Refuse to recycle. Fly long-haul. Do everything in your power to crank up climate change. Why? Because we now know climate change has one really positive side-effect — it stops Coldplay from touring.
Yes, Coldplay, the squarest band in Christendom, the most painfully polite, gratingly nice rock stars ever, have announced they won’t be touring their new album because they’re worried about the pollution it will cause. Noise pollution? I quite agree! Who needs to hear Fix You being sung by 50,000 middle managers in every city on earth? Not me. Not anyone.
Of course, the pollution Coldplay is really worried about is environmental pollution. Lead singer Chris Martin (every time I see Chris Martin I think a drab village somewhere is missing its vicar) says they won’t be touring until they work out how to make their gigs ‘sustainable’.
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