Classic dual

A vicar at a wedding I was at last week told of a driver who broke down with a lorryload of penguins. He flagged down another lorry and offered its driver £100 to deliver his consignment promptly to the zoo. His own vehicle repaired, he was alarmed when he got to town a few hours later to see 50 penguins marching across a zebra crossing. He berated the other driver. ‘I thought I told you to take them to the zoo,’ he said. ‘I did,’ came the reply, ‘but that was hours ago. There was still money left from your £100, so now I am taking them to the cinema.’

I, too, sometimes have trouble fulfilling my instructions from the saintly Mrs Oakley, who asked me, en route back from Goodwood, to stop at Sainsbury’s for olive oil. ‘What kind?’ ‘Surely you know, the one we always have.’ A doddle, of course, for a trained observer…had I not found myself confronted with a choice between not only Spanish, Italian and Greek, but also standard or extra virgin.